I did not see ANY way out

I did not see ANY way out

The news that I was expecting a baby shocked me. I couldn’t understand what was happening and I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. What for? It seemed to be the worst timing ever. I had no status, no ring on my finger.  Somehow at that exact time I was going through an internal crisis that was constantly eating away at me – I didn’t know what direction to go in, or what I wanted from relationships, or from life in general.  I remember that the shock lasted for weeks and I couldn’t put it behind me – I was consumed by fear. No rational mind, no real sense of what was going on. It seemed that there was no solution whatsoever. In my mind, I could only picture the worst scenarios. I did not see ANY way out.
It’s strange to think that at that time I thought so much about what others would think about me. Very strange. Why should other people think anything about this? … When it was hardest, my friend’s advice helped me. She urged me to talk with people, saying “you have to tell at least somebody about it.” Then, through talking about it, I began to feel.

What I would say to another girl who is in a similar situation is: do not doubt, listen, allow yourself to hear. Trust. Speak. Act. This will be the best decision you have ever made in your life. You will thank yourself every moment of the rest of your life. You will be thankful to everyone who encouraged you.

Those tears. The frightened eyes. One meeting with a tearful, pregnant girl was enough. I knew I had to be a volunteer.  It was already after the birth of my son. I thought – there should be such a center in Lithuania, where one could apply for help … I even thought I would establish one if there was not. I wanted so much to pass on these inner discoveries. I was so restless to share my experience with others. I relaxed. It had already been set up. Zita picked up the phone …

 

Renata